and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
