I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Please don't give away my fajitas
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
