Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
