I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize