she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Holy sore nipples Batman
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
