3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
