"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
