Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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