I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
