i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
