Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize