Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
