So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
