We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize