puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
