im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
