Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
