I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
