she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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