Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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