So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
