Can Purell be used as lube?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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