Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
