If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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