worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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