i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
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