just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
