I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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