I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
