so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
