The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
