highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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