yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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