If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
