no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
