dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
