In the future we'll all be gay
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
