i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
