Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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