Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Randomize
