so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
