drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
