Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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