Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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