So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I forgot wine drunk hurts
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
