apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
