Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize