she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize