His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
