he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
