and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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