Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
