i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
