Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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