Yo dont text me then not text me
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Randomize
