he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
