he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
