In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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