She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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