so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
