the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
