so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Randomize
