I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It was like giving head to a cactus.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
