And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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