I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
