drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
