If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
