I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
