DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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