The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize