I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
